drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
