Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
