i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
