You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
