at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
