My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
