Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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