Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
