..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
