Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
