so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
