oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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