Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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