I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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