Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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