I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
