her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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