Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
