Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
