my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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