he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
