Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
