are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
