It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
