so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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