I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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