Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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