I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
