he thought i was a dude.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
