Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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