You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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