i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
