I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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