I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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