I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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