I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
