I showed him my bush... on skype.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
