i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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