I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
