i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
