Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
