whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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