I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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