I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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