This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
