; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
false alarm. still invincible.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so let's talk penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
