goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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