Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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