I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
