I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
