Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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