My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
