is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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