I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
