I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Blow job season was short but glorious.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
