Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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