Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
