I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
