hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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