I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
