chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
True college students do jello shots in the library
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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