So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
