He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
