You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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