I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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