Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
