WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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