He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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