so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
