i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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