Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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