Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
